Your self-esteem is my self-esteem.

Originally, my plan was to bounce from topic to topic. Plans change. If you haven't read my post from last week, I encourage you to do so before continuing this one, as you may not fully understand where I'm coming from. However, if you simply have no desire to read even more than you've summoned yourself to accomplish, I appreciate your honesty, and hopefully you'll understand enough.

 I don't know about you (since I haven't received any feedback...hint hint), but I completely failed my own challenge last week. I woke up the next morning with the greatest intentions, but throughout the day, I found myself unfocused, negative, and feeling defeated. I was irritable for no apparent reason--just ask my husband. When I would realize that I was not controlling my thoughts, one of two things would happen: I would criticize myself for not digging deeper, for being weak, for failing; or I would simply think, "what's the point today?" I gave up. That day stunk.

Since my last post, my self-esteem has plummeted--for various reasons, most of which came from my own head. I won't go into detail about that, but just know that if you found yourself in the same boat, you're not alone. It happens. Fortunately for me, an unplanned long run usually pulls me out of those funks, and last night's seven miles did the trick. While I was running, I remembered a TedTalks video that I recently watched while researching self-esteem for a presentation around the topic of self-harm. The speaker, Matthew Whoolery, approaches the topic of self-esteem from a point of view I've never imagined but makes so much sense to me. He says we should strip ourselves of self-esteem altogether. No more highs and lows! Simply think of others, and let others think of you. Here's the link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjjPce_SbUA

His point of view struck me as genius for two reasons:
1) In a given family, if the members choose to think about each other rather than themselves, that means that each person has x amount of others thinking about his/her well-being and happiness. But if each individual only thinks about him/herself, well, you do the math, because I can't find the grammatically correct way to word that conclusion.
2) The Bible tells us to do this anyway! Coincidence? You're entitled to your own opinion. Here's my interpretation: In Mark 12:31, Jesus preaches that the second of the greatest commandments is to "love thy neighbour as thyself." He doesn't say to love our neighbors after we love ourselves, or similar to how we love ourselves, but as we love ourselves. I'm no preacher, and I've never studied theology, but I think Jesus was on to something (I think.) Maybe all this self-esteem crap would never have been a factor if we had all just put others a little higher on our priority lists than ourselves.

The funny thing about this particular topic is that I've preached it to students but have never really put it to practice myself, at least as enthusiastically as I should. Think about this: how do you feel when you make someone smile? Do you feel a sense of pride when you do a random good deed? For a stranger even? Have you ever noticed that you feel good about yourself when you do something selfless, when you put others first, even if it means you don't get that last doughnut? I think self-esteem is real, and maybe you can't completely lose it (in the good way) like Mr. Whoolery suggests, but perhaps you can fill your own bucket by first emptying it for others.

Here is my challenge for myself: to think of others and fill their buckets rather than worrying about my own. With that being said, I would like to send encouragements, acknowledgements, my gratitude, and simple words of kindness to you, in hopes that your spirit might be lifted for even a fraction of a second. For those of you who know me well, you don't need me to tell you that if I say something nice about you, I mean it. If I don't approve of your haircut, unless you're a third grader like the one I encountered today, I won't compliment it. So, please feel free to comment on this site or message me on Facebook or text me with a physical address, email address, or any way that I can share a kind word or two with you. There's no shame in asking for kindness. We all need it, and sometimes it seems like the world is full of nothing but criticisms.

Furthermore, I challenge you to pay it forward. If you receive a message from me that adds to your self-esteem bucket, make a deposit into someone else's. It could be as simple as smiling at someone who looks down, or saying "thank you" for the slightest kind gesture.

In the words of Coca Cola, "spread happiness."